A bit of a detour....

We will leave for Africa exactly 3 weeks from tomorrow.  We met for our final planning meeting last Sunday.   I planned to write about it, but didn't sit down right away to get my overwhelming feelings on "paper."  I lost my muse and that post never happened.  I promise to write tomorrow about the many emotions I am experiencing as July 22nd approaches. 

Today's post is a bit of a detour, not a detour from Obedience, a detour from the usual content.  Today is the birthday of a friend and colleague.  "R" is doing very important work, at the state level, to ensure Kentucky's children are receiving the education they deserve.  She is brilliant, kind, dedicated, and is one of the hardest working people I know.  She's perfect for her job.  There's only one problem.  "R" misses the classroom.  She misses her students.  Here's what I told her this morning, "We absolutely need the best teachers to remain in classrooms teaching our precious children. But, don't we also want the best teachers helping negotiate and mediate all of the mandates and dictates that are being imposed on districts/schools/classrooms/teachers/students?"  I fully expect that "R" will return to the classroom and her future students will be so very lucky.


My transition out of the classroom happened so quickly that I had little time to ponder the change in my role.  I started last school year in early August with some of the sweetest students I have ever had, on my caseload.  It was going to be a great school year!  In early September, I told them goodbye and turned them over to a young, energetic, new teacher.  Kids are resilient.  They had a great year and I have no regrets concerning that bunch of kiddos. 


In the last 5ish years in my classroom, I did the best teaching of my life.  I learned so many ways to improve my practice, I committed to making life (not just reading) better for my students, I began branching out into curriculum, supervision, and leadership. I was in my grove! So, Why did I leave?
First and foremost, I desired to be obedient to the direction I felt God leading me.  Secondly, I couldn't continue to walk the tight rope between teaching and leading teachers.  When I observed instruction that was not up to par, I could gently and politely offer some suggestions and help, but I could not insist that those suggestions be implemented.  The time I spent preparing materials, studying curriculum, and helping other teachers left me less time to prepare quality lessons for my own students and zapped my energy to be fully present, engaged, and energetic for my students.  For years I have seen teachers who remained in the classroom past their expiration date, past their effectiveness.  I did not want that to be me!  I feel very fortunate that I had the opportunity to leave while I still loved what I did every single day.  No regrets about moving fully into a position of leading and teaching teachers.


I do have one regret.  I spent one period each day collaborating with a fun Language Arts Teacher while she had a group of students we secretly referred to as her APP class.  For those who don't know what those letters stand for, they usually mean Advanced Placement Preparation.  We used to call them Honors Classes.  With this class, those initials stood for Advanced Pre Prison.  Please understand that this was a secret joke between the two of us.  There were only 15 students in that group and it took both of us, on our "A game" every minute of every day to insure learning was occurring and fighting was not occurring.  We had turned a corner, and this group was "on our side" about the time I left.  This is the group I hated to leave.  These are the kind of kids who have always been "my kids".  These are the kids I most love to teach.  Their teacher reported to me that they spent  the rest of the year angry and resistant.  She said, "There's nothing I can do because I can't bring you back."  I am not vain enough to believe no one else could make a difference with those students  But I do know that it is difficult for those students to trust, and I broke that trust.  I abandoned them and all of my good reasons are for naught, as far as they're concerned. That's a regret I will always carry.


The position I've held this past year is a 3 year position, during which I'm "on loan" from my school district, to the state department of education.  At the end of the 3 years, my district would have a classroom waiting for me--no guarantees which school or grade, but a classroom full of children.  My resignation from the "on loan" position AND from my district (my employer for the last 17 years) is effective today.  Yes, I've got a new job.  Yes, I have traveled the road of Obedience to this position.  I have prayed, waited patiently, listened, heard "Yes" to some things, and heard "No" to some other things.  As of July 1, I will be a Special Ed Literacy Consultant for the Special Ed Division of our local education cooperative.  I will remain in the same building, actually in the same cubicle.  Some of my work will look very much like the work I've done this year.  With this change, I've pretty much closed the door on my classroom teaching career.  I was in the classroom 26 years.  I loved it; I loved my students; I loved my co-workers.  I believe I left at the right time. 

Random Musings on a Very Hot Sunday Afternoon...

I described, in an earlier post, the Sunday that I felt God telling me HE wanted me to go to Niger, on a mission trip.  About that time, I felt the increasing weight of passing time. That's a nice way of saying I realized I would be turning 50 in about 5 years.  I decided I needed to accomplish a few things before that big birthday, so I created a list.

Betsy's By Fifty Bucket List
1.  Become a National Board Certified Teacher
2.  Complete a 5K race
3.  Participate in a Mission Trip to Niger, Africa

These 3 items may seem totally unrelated, but they are strangely connected.  The National Boards process was rigorous and grueling.  It took lots of time, lots of study, lots of writing, lots of reflection on my practice as a teacher, and lots of prayer.  It's a 1-3 year process and I was able to earn the certification after one year.  Thank You Lord!!!  #1 check!

#1 led to #3.  Going through the National Boards process gave me new knowledge and new confidence, as a teacher.  I took on more responsibilities in my school and district and worked very hard to be a good teacher and a good leader.  I felt (sort of) ready to try something new and accepted a job working with Teacher Leaders from 35 school districts.  I've worked harder this year than I ever have before and I won't get a summer break.  Summer is a busy time of meetings and trainings for teachers who are on their Summer Break.  I do have the luxury of taking vacation days at other times of the year.  For example--schools were too busy to need me for any trainings in December.  My husband and I got to fulfill a dream and visit New York City during the Christmas season.  Schools around here begin very early in August, and during the last week of July, teachers are busy getting their classrooms ready or enjoying the end of their summer.  They are not attending trainings, so I can take some time off.  When our church's Mission's Calendar for 2012 was released, there was a trip to Niger, Africa listed for July 23-August 1.  I can go!!!  If I were still in the classroom, I would not be able to go on this trip.  Thank You Lord!!! #3 is almost ready to check.

#2 has a bit looser connection.  I was doing a pretty good job of getting to the gym before I got in the midst of the National Boards process.  When I started my new job, I completely stopped going.  Add to that the fact that I sit, a lot, in my new job (driving, office work), and there is amazing food available for lunch most days (lunches are catered for most trainings at my work place--there's always enough left for us to eat), and I was gaining a few pounds.  Since I have a treadmill in my basement and that deadline of 50 was creeping up, I started running on the treadmill.  On March 31st, my daughter and I ran in a 5K.  We completed it, running every single step.  Thank You Lord!!!         
#2 check!!

The big birthday is in September and, God willing, the bucket list will be complete.  Now it's time to start on:
Betsy's By 60  Bucket List.
#1 Skydiving (no, I'm not kidding)

Today was a big day on this journey to Africa.  Our team met and took care of some bookkeeping type chores:  passports-check, yellow fever vaccine cards-check, new visa applications-check, copy of current bank statement (required for the visa)-check, child protection video watched-check.  Then, our fearless leader, Travis, announced that we all had to practice our C2C presentation.  C2C is the short story of the gospel from Creation to Christ. We hit the high points (creation, Noah, the law and sacrifices, the prophets, and Jesus. The first brave volunteer (who did a spectacular job) said that she practices on her 18 month old as they travel in the car.  That child is going to know her stuff!!

 I managed to avoid making eye contact with Travis each time he said, "Next!" until I was the next to last person.  As a perfectionist, I was far from satisfied with my attempt.  I know I could have done a better job with a slick powerpoint presentation!  None of us were too happy with our attempts. Travis reminded us that our obedience comes in speaking the words.  After that the Holy Spirit does the work.

Then, he said something that I know to be so true (but needed a good reminder).  God will not enable this trip, provide the finances and resources, carry us safely from Nashville to Cincinnati, to Paris, to Niger, to have our words be the stumbling block.

These words transported me to a pivotal night last August.  I was given the opportunity to apply for a new job.  I have spent the last 27 years teaching children.  In August my pulse quickens as I set up my room and then my heart sings as the desks fill.  By May, I am ready for a 2 month break, but come August, I'm ready to go again.  I love teaching.  It's one of the few things about which I feel self-confident.  This was an opportunity to leave my familiar classroom and teach teachers.  I will sing, dance and do all manner of silly things in front of a classroom full of children.  Speaking/teaching/leading a large group of teachers and administrators--now that's scary stuff.  For many reasons, I was confident God was leading me to this new job.  I told him I would pursue it until he threw down a stop sign.

 I got the job.  I couldn't tell anyone for several days. That night, I sat in the back of a dark van full of people and had a mini-panic attack.  In my heart, I cried out, "God, I can't do this.  This is so far out of my comfort zone.  I don't even know if I WANT to do this."  He gently chided me with this message, "I did not set you up to fail and to believe I did, is sin.  Be obedient and believe that this will happen and I will make sure you are successful if you continue to trust me."

I love this job!  It's sometimes still way out of my comfort zone.  Presenting to a group of 200 school administrators is still some scary stuff, but when I feel that fear rising, I know what to do.  I repeat to myself, "HE didn't set you up to fail."

He's not setting us up to fail in Niger.  Our stumbling, stammering stories will come out of our mouths, talented translators will make our words sound familiar to our Songhai friends, and the Holy Spirit will make our message beautiful.  I ask that you would join me in praying for the ears that will hear those words.

For This Child, I Prayed...

 That's my boy, in that picture.  He's shaking the hand of President Ransdell.  Those are Honor Cords around his neck.  He is a college graduate.  He's a Summa Cum Laude college graduate.  Yes, I am proud.  I have to admit, I do like those Latin words rolling off my tongue. This child DID take Latin in high school, so he knows what they mean, but I don't think they're very important to him.

  What can I tell you about this boy of mine?  He was born at 11:56AM on December 19th, 1989.  He weighed in at a whopping 6lbs 8oz. He looked like a little old man and I thought he was the most beautiful baby in the world.  He walked early (10 mo.), talked early, counted early, read early.  This is a child with whom you could reason, at a very early age.  This child received very few spankings because Time Out and a little talk worked with him. 

This child made my view of the world shift. This child brought me JOY!!  But, suddenly I was scared of so many things, like EARTHQUAKES (I could see the San Andreas fault from my house), drunk drivers, child molestors, nuclear war, etc... How could I experience such joy and such crippling fear at the same time? I knew it wasn't healthy to wrap this healthy, inquisitive, brilliant child in bubble wrap and lock us both in the house.  So, I told GOD he had to help me to trust that HE would protect this child of mine.  I cried out, "I believe.  Help my unbelief."  HE did.  It didn't happen overnight, but before long, I could go 24 hours without imagining something horrible happening to this precious child.

What's next for this child of mine?  Not a wedding.  We did that last summer.

  This child's next stop is Southern Baptist Theological Seminary where he will pursue a Masters of Divinity with an emphasis in International Church Planting.  This child wants to share the love of Jesus around the world. 












This Mama is so proud of this boy, for so many reasons, one of the least of which are those 3 Latin words on his diploma.








The picture below, THIS is my favorite picture of the day.  Look at that smile.  Look at that excitement.  Look at that joy.  This boy of mine knows WHO he is and WHOSE he is!!

"The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are."  John Pierpont Morgan

The first step towards getting to Africa was to make the decision to grow my hair long enough for a pony tail.  For those of you who have lived through growing out bangs and multi-layered, short-ish hair, this is no small step.  This is a commitment.  This was the first commitment toward Obedience.

As I have shared some of my victories and challenges on this road to Niger, Africa, a friend challenged me to document it all in a blog.  I thought I would record simple, funny little posts about things like Yellow Fever vaccines and super expensive Anti Malarial pills (Who knew my heart medication would be contraindicated with the cheaper pills?).  It's turning out to be a bit more complicated than that.

As crazy as it sounds, it really did start with the decision to grow my hair.  Around this same time, my principal approached me about taking on a leadership position in my school.  I have been a teacher for 27 years.  Up until that time, it had never occured to me to take on any leadership roles.  I was perfectly content being the Queen of my classroom.  For the most part, my students loved me, and I'd been doing my job long enough that I knew what I was doing.  In other words, I was in control and it wasn't very hard/challenging anymore.  The request to lead was humbling and scary.  I felt incapable and unqualified. 

But, I had committed to trying to be Obedient, so rather than saying, "NO," immediately, I asked for a little time and really focused on listening for God's leading.  I'll keep telling you, I did not hear words, but I felt a message.  All of a sudden, I knew the very specific reason I was being offered this challenging opportunity.  My first-born, Jacob, was graduating from high school.  He was only moving about 5 miles away, but I knew life would change, there would be some empty space in my life.  God was presenting this opportunity to fill that space.  That's all I knew at that moment, but I knew Obedience meant accepting the challenge.

So, I became the Reading Curriculum Leader.  That probably doesn't sound big, but it was huge. I gobbled up knowledge about my subject area, like I was starving.  Where had all of this "new stuff" been?  Why hadn't I been updating my content knowledge beyond what I needed for my classroom?

 I learned some very humbling lessons about leading adults.  Guess what?  They didn't all love me, I didn't always know what I was doing, I wasn't always in control, and it was very hard and challenging.  But, I knew I was being Obedient, and I was on the road to.....somewhere.

My road to Africa

When I go to church with my husband and/or my best friend, LeeAnn, we sit downstairs-right section-midway back.  When I go alone, I sit up in the balcony, surrounded by strangers.  It's a completely different experience.  That's where I was sitting on THAT Sunday.

We are a missions-minded church.  Yesterday, our Missions Pastor posted, on Facebook, that this year, we have already sent over 400 people out to spread the Gospel.  On THAT Sunday, we watched a short video about a group who had gone to Niger, Africa. 

On THAT Sunday, I felt a message from God.  I don't hear messages; I feel them.  Sometimes a complete sentence just appears in my mind, and sometimes I just KNOW something.  I knew, THAT Sunday, that God wanted me to go to Africa.

So, I decided to grow out my hair. 

I'm in the process of learning the importance of Obedience, of doing these things I feel God impress on me.  It's a process.  On THAT Sunday, I was practicing Obedience by making the smallest little step possible.  Growing my hair out was something in my control, not a huge commitment, and could be explained away for other (perhaps more logical) reasons.

Now, my hair is long, plenty long for a pony-tail, and I'm headed to Niger, Africa, in July.  As my hair has grown, so has my desire to be Obedient.

This is a story about a journey to Africa and a journey to Obedience.

May 1, 2012

My favorite scripture is Micah 6:8 "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you, but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?"  When I remember those three things, when I DO justice, LOVE kindness, and WALK humbly, my life is GOOD!! 

What does this picture have to do with Micah 6:8?  I took this picture in April 2011 in Assisi.  The large building on the hill is the Basilica of Assisi.  This day, well, this day was GOOD.  This day was one of the GOODEST (yes, I know it should be "best") days of my life.  The little town of Assisi, on a hill, overlooking acres of olive groves and vineyards, is beautiful in an other-worldly way.  Will you think me odd if I tell you that I could feel God's presence that day?  I walked humbly, friends, and it was GOOD!